Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Four Ghosts of the White House

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

Laugh Out Loud

This newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it’s raining. It continues to pour for the rest of the week.
Leaning out of her apartment window, she sees a little boy playing on the stoop below and asks, “Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?”
The kid looks up at her and yells, “How should I know? I’m only six.”.

“Daddy,” says a boy to his father, “you lost your credit card months ago and you still haven’t reported it.”
“That’s because I’ve realized that the thief spends less than your mother.”

Juan vega, a clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan’s house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.
“Sure,” his wife said. “It will cost you $500.”
“That much?”
“But you’re getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.”
“I just want Juan. I’ll hire him alone for $350,” the man countered.
“Sorry,” she shrugged. “You can’t have Juan without the otter.”

On their first date, a man asked his companion if she’d like a drink.
“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.
Later, he offered her a cigarette.
“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again.
On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.
“Okay,” his date replied.
“What will you tell your Sunday school class?” he asked, shocked.
“The same thing I always tell them. ‘You don’t have to drink or smoke to have a
good time.’ ”

A man is recovering from minor surgery when his nurse comes in to check on him.
“How are you feeling?” she asks.
“I’m okay,” he says, “but I didn’t like the four-letter word the doctor used during surgery.”
“What did he say?”the nurse asks.

Q: What’s round and bad-tempered?
A: A vicious circle.

While visiting an old and spooky country house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide informed her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
“And how long have you worked here?” asked the woman.
“Three hundred years.”

A couple are debating whether computers are male or female.

"Definitely female," said the husband. "You spend half of your salary on accessories for them and even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for use at a later date."

"Nope," said his wife. "They're male. To get their attention you have to turn them on and as soon as you commit to one, you realize you could have got a better model if you'd waited longer."

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

With the demands of work and family, do you ever feel like you don't have enough time to
develop deep friendships the way you would like?

Lots of women are solving this problem by getting together with their friends while also
working individually on an important project: creating heirlooms that their families will enjoy for

Scrapbooking clubs are the quilting bees of the modern era. When you join – or form – a
scrapbook group, you create a regular time to meet with creative, loving, and
family-centered friends.

Carving out a regular time to meet is an ideal way to create and maintain these meaningful
friendships. Plus, as everyone gets together to work with family photographs and poignant
memories, conversations tend to be deep and meaningful, too.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is technologically
challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall
Street Journal article:
*All these are things that actually happened!!!

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told
the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new
Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the
technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The
"foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the
third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.

Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you
get this cup holder? Does it have any Trademark on it?"

CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't
stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load
drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting
in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type
the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

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